Hero Or Villan

Your handler is your rescuer as well as your abuser.  Your handler puts you in situations from which you need saving.  Then when the time is right,  they swoop in to save you.  You are grateful, but the truth is,  it is all a ploy to get you to depend on only them. Their motives are never pure and never to be trusted.  They will turn on you in an instant.  They are the ultimate villan disguised behind a mask of sincerity. Never trust the one who handles you.  They are the worst villan of all.  

Pain

It hurts so much.  But i want it to hurt more.  I want to cut so deep into my flesh.  To feel the skin give way to the blade.  See the blood run free and feel.  Feel the sharp cutting pain.  So sharp and hard. Just cut so fucking hard they have to stitch me back up. 



Am I unlovable?

The Best Is Yet To Come

I have to be free.
She can't have it.  
She can't have me!
I want her to know,  
the best is yet to come.  
When i find freedom,
she'll be the one,
holding her heart,
and hoping it breaks. 

I have to be free. 
She can't have me! 
I want her to hurt, 
And feel my pain. 
It won't be the same,
But i don't care.
She needs to know,
that i was there! 

It wasn't the same, 
She was never there. 
She never hurt
And she didn't care.
I thought i was dying.
I want to be free. 
But she can't have it. 
It has to be me!

I wanted to love her,  
To be my friend. 
But she never loved me,  
Not till the end. 
Now i can't love her,  
Or be by her side.  
And she'll never know me
Or feel my pride.  

From Hannah 

I know i can make it,
And be bigger too. 
I want to be like it,
But never like you!
 You cannot hate me,
 for all that I've done. 
You're not the person. 
I am the one.
You left me dying,
 broken and shamed. 
And now YOU shall live,
To carry the blame.

You cannot forgive me,  
for all I have done. 
You weren't the person. 
For i have done wrong. 

Blood Lust

The desire for blood.  To feel it, taste it, have it on your tongue and feel it run down your face. To feel it cover your skin like a warm caress, filled with life.  I want to touch it and taste it and make it my own. Just the thought gives me comfort. 
Blood lust...to want but never have again. 

I Can't Close My Eyes

I have walked into the fires of hell.
I have walked away and still,
the greatest pain remembered,
is of those who live there still.
The climb is hard.  No sherpas near,
the road is feared to long.
The journey is forbidden,
and many found not strong.
I have seen the face of death here.
I have heard it's gurgling cry.
I have walked drenched in the blood of others.
I've seen death pass me by.
I've known that i was next, if i didn't play it right.
I've even welcomed death,
to bring peace unto my eyes.
Oh come oh mighty healer and take away my pain.
For though I am forgiven,
I cannot take the shame.

Take me, not them.
 Make my blood fall in rivers,
 but let theirs stay within.
Beat me until i cannot stand
and call me as you will.
But let them be to free and fly.
I cannot stand the shame.
But please oh please don't take then,
just let their peace remain.
And so let it be.
 

Mind Control

https://cathyfox.wordpress.com/2016/01/09/mind-control-and-mk-ultra-in-canada/?blogsub=confirming#blog_subscription-5

The above link will take you to Cathy Fox Blog and an interesting article on Mind control and MK Ultra. It is well worth a read. It is written about Canada, but I have heard many of the same information about other countries as well. It may seem far fetched but it is all very real.

Below is a link to her blog and information on Australia.

https://cathyfox.wordpress.com/category/australia-2/