College

Our first day/night at college. Not any easy day." I want to die I want to die" Those are the words being spoken non stop from inside. I want to cut my skin open and feel the release. I want to die. We are broken in a world of people who have no idea what we live through every day, let alone our past. I hate them, I hate them for having no secrets, no past to fight through. No death hiding in their soul. I hate that as we sit there, they are not all wanting to die as I am. I hate that they will never know us or the pain we have been through and fight through every day. I hate them. I just want to cut us open and feel the pain. I just want to show the depths of our hurt. To show them our pain. I want to stab our arm right through to the bone, feel the knife grinding on the bone. I just want to die, and not have these people near me. I hate them, i just want to cry and cut, my life should be over, we don't want this any more. It should be over. I hate it, I hate me and us. I want us to be gone so that we never have to face another person again and be fragile and broken. We are broken, broken into a million pieces, we deserve to die for what we have done. What they made us do. We have no life but what they made for us. Are we merely their puppets?  I hate that. I hate my life. It is too hard to live. I just don't want to any more, but we are told we have to. Even death is not in our control. I just want to cut.