Never enough.

The blood runs slow down my broken skin. 
From where it comes I do not care.
From where the pulse is strong, From the place I never feel clean. 
The pain is what is deserved.
I feel the crimson liquid with my finger. 
If only someone could see the pain inside.
The blood leaks out as a small release.
There's never enough,
I want more.
I want it to flow from everywhere within.
It does not scare me.
It brings relief.
A welcome calm.
A place of peace.
All seems right when I cut.
The blade, my flesh, so deep, it flows.
But day light brings the pangs of shame. 
Nowhere to hide.
No way to hide my pain.
Don't look at me now.
Don't see my shame.
Don't ask of me how it came.
Just leave me to my lonely world. 
You cannot help me,
I am afraid.
I'm not like you,
I'm different made.
Walk away and leave me now.
It's not your cause,
It's not your shame.
Just smile and nod and let me go.
I'm not your problem.
I am my own.

So much training

I once commented to a friend that actually having sex with the different men was the easy part . It was what they had to do to get us there that was worse. The repeated rapes.  The hypnosis so we would be easily controlled.  The water torture.  The electrocutions. The beatings.  The constant emotional attacks reminding us we had no value other than what they gave us and we had no rights or power.
Being sent off to work was in a way easier than the training. Don't get me wrong,  many of the men we went to were into some horrible stuff as well,  but i think many times it was much much better than the training.  The training to be a well behaved robot whore. To completely submit without question. It takes years of 'training' to get someone so submitted into living the life of a human sex slave.