The Final Betrayal

It is hard to know where to start. I have added this picture because it has helped so much to accept that the actions of others are not my responsibility, and neither is worrying about what they may think of what I say here. This is my space and I WILL tell the truth whether they like it or not.
 We had to break contact with our final family member this week. Our Mother! Until now we had thought her involvement in our abuse had been minimal. Definitely not the best parent, but not involved. I was wrong. These last few weeks of intense flashbacks, as hard as it has been, has shown me so much about what went on back then. It has also answered so many questions that just didn't make sense prior to this. Why did she never pick up any of what was going on? Why was she so distant and cold? Why did she seem to have endless compassion for others but literally none for us? Why when she was near, was there constantly screaming coming from inside? Why did the thought of hugging her make our skin crawl? Why did using any of her stuff, make people inside scream? Why was there never peace when thinking of her?
Now I know why. She was not by any means innocent. I am not yet ready to share what she did. It all still seems a bit raw. But it is now decided, she never loved us, neither did our father, we were merely there as a annoyance that must be dealt with. There seems to be no one safe from there, so one we had to depend on. And now once again we have ourselves, our sons and our friends. That is all. It is a lonely life but we have no choice. It is survival, and nothing else.