See me!

I want to take the biggest knife and slam it into my arm, I want to feel it slide past the bone and hit the table below. I want to watch to blood running from the wound and dripping onto the floor. I want to know that I am hurting and see the pain. I want to know that everything I have gone through has been worth is somehow. Somehow. I want to scream and yell. I want to cut people who have hurt me.

I want to rip my skin off in big chunks. I want to never eat again because I don't deserve it, and I want to eat so much that I hurt and explode because I deserve that too. I want to slice my arms up so that they are dripping with blood, just so you can see me. I feel invisible. Useful and helpful but invisible. No one sees me.