The other night we were having a great time with Diamonds, (our girlfriend, also an abuse survivor) when one of our insiders shared a memory they had from when we were younger. It involves a young man named Richard. He was in his early teens when we knew him and our body was between the ages of 7 to 12. Richard had hurt us before and it seemed a common thing for him to do. This time we remember him chasing after us with knives in his hands. Kitchen knives I think. He chased us up the hall of his house while we were screaming. When he caught up to us he pinned us down, and inserted the knives internally. Alfterwards his mother helped to stop the bleeding and told us never to tell. It answers one question at least. She knew it was going on. At other times he put us in the space in the ceiling until our mum would come and pick us up.
Its horriffic, it breaks us to think of this happening to us and no one coming to our help. We have an insider call Richard. He takes after this Richard in many ways. He is a darker insider. No wonder we often have a desire to cut our genital region. Days like today, when I am feeling grief with my friend, I just wish it would all go away. But I know it wont, it will only get worse.
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